What I do: I get up, do some light exercise and stretching to wake up my body. I sit in front of a mirror in a half-lotus position and stimulate myself physically without getting lost in phantasy. I must stay present so that I won’t miss the space between the orgasm and the ejaculation. When the orgasm comes, I relax and let it peak inside my body. When the ejaculation wants to come out I flex my PC muscle and lead the energy back up my spine, into my head and then further down into my belly. No sperm comes out. I feel energised and alive. Every morning.
I think this whole subject doesn’t get enough coverage. Basically you find information about it in Tantra and Taoist circles but this should be much more mainstream. This will be a short guide in how to learn the basic technique on how to have an orgasm without ejaculating. First let us start with the thing that usually leads to the first unbelieving faces: The difference between an orgasm and an ejaculation. Actually, it seems so self-explanatory but I think it’s a good start to get into the proper preparation because as with many seemingly difficult tasks in life, preparation is everything.
The orgasm is what makes you feel really good and really alive. Its that thing that impossible to describe to everyone’s satisfaction but I’ll do it anyway: It’s a wave of energy taking over the body starting with the genitals and moving across the body from there, depending on the type of orgasm. The ejaculation is rather easy to describe, it’s a repeated contraction that leads to a loss of sperm and gives a feeling of emptying and release of tension. Understanding the difference is the easy part, experiencing it takes some effort. So, step Nr.1:
1. Masturbate without any external stimulation. Don’t fantasize too much, so that you don’t get lost. Be very aware of what your body is experiencing. When you feel the orgasm coming closer, stop. Wait until you feel in control again and then slowly stimulate further. Repeat. See how far you can go. See if you can find the difference between the orgasm and the ejaculation. If you ejaculate, don’t worry about it. We’ve been doing it for millions of years.
This exercise will give you the first blink of what is actually happening and since every man masturbates at some point, you don’t even have to develop a new habit. Just add that extra awareness to it, instead of a quick and dirty release. By the way, if you go closer and closer to your orgasm multiple times, the ejaculation will be much more intense. This is also great to practise during sex, women will love the extra awareness you’ll bring. The next thing is the main player of the whole technique: The Musculus pubococcygeus (PC muscle). Don’t bother about the name, I tend to forget it every time. What it is, in a nutshell: A muscle that goes from you pubic bone down to the bottom of your pelvis and up to your tail bone. Don’t even bother with the exact anatomy.
All you need is this: You flex it by pretending to stop peeing. That’s the only exercise you will need. You can hold the muscle longer, you can use more strength and you can do quick pulses. You can be creative. With your fingers you can feel the muscle moving and hardening right between your testicles and your anus so this will be a good indicator for your progress in the beginning. So, step Nr. 2
2. The PC muscle is flexed when you intentionally stop peeing. Practise by starting to pee and then stopping multiple times before you’re fully emptied. Then throughout the day, flex the PC muscle, hold it or do quick pulses. The point is to make a habit of exercising it regularly. Pay attention not to be tense anywhere else in your body. Your buttocks should be relaxed. If you do it properly no one will notice it from the outside, even if you talk to someone.
This is basically what you will need to stop the ejaculate from coming out, the rest is mindset and proper preparation. I would also advice you to do some abs exercises because I feel that it also correlates to a strong PC muscle. The next step will be to combine both the PC exercise and the first exercise to make you feel not only the difference between orgasm and ejaculation but also the sensation of directing energy away from the tip of your penis. At this point it should be noted that it doesn’t matter what position you are in. I’ve done it during sex while being on top, straight on my back and even once while sitting with my legs up on a couch (not during sex in the latter case). The most reliable position for me is the half-lotus position as it allows me to direct the energy best. Find out for yourself what works for you. So, step Nr.3:
3. Combine both exercises 1 and 2 by flexing your PC muscle every time you have stopped stimulating yourself because the ejaculation came too close. Try to develop a sensitivity to feeling the warmth or energy that wants to leave you through the tip of your penis and making it go into the opposite direction through flexing and holding of your PC muscle. In the beginning you can see it as a dam that stops the flood. Later it will become a conductor that directs the orchestra.
This will already bring you very far but since I’ve went from doing it sometimes to doing it every day about one and a half years ago, I’ve encountered many, many issues that I just never heard anyone discuss before. I think the reason for that is most practitioners are either super-awesome (I actually think some are), they don’t do it every day or just don’t experience the whole orgasm until completion so that they don’t need to face the difficult times when ejaculation and orgasm seem to overlap (see the troubleshooting at the end). So, over this long period I’ve had many checklists and methods to ensure a successful result, many lists and guides written as bullet points and so many epiphanies of what went wrong, whenever it went wrong.
Today my guideline is simple: Prepare your PC muscle before so that you can feel it flex firmly, relax right before the orgasm and during the orgasm, don’t let the sensation into the tip and at last: Believe that there is no way that this energy is going out. If you believe, you see, you will start to make subconscious decisions that will confirm that belief. If you don’t you will lose it. You will make sloppy mistakes like letting the orgasm too far into your penis, not being properly awake before you start, flexing all muscles before you have the orgasm or getting lost in phantasy. Mindset is everything. I can pretty much tell long before when it won’t work. It feels lazy and soft. Sometimes that means your body wants to ejaculate and sometimes it just means you shouldn’t proceed further. You’ll have to find out for yourself. The further you will develop the more you will feel the energy looking for a path within your body, so here’s step Nr.4:
4. When you have managed to experience the orgasm in a relaxed state and feel the ejaculation coming closer, flex your PC muscle (and all your other muscles if you feel its necessary – you can be aggressive for this part, depending on how overwhelming the energy is) and then guide the energy up the back of your spine while keeping a straight back. You should feel your body handling a lot of energy at this point, there might be twitching and contracting. Guide it further up to the head and then slowly down on your body’s front side into your belly. Breathe slowly. Do the whole procedure even if you ejaculated or didn’t feel it as described. If you practise anyway, it will come.
So that’s pretty much all you will need to start out and get good. Theres more details to cover but I might write on it some other time. There are things I’ve left out like using your fingers to press your PC muscle between your testicles and your anus to stop the ejaculation manually. It feels weird and I think its bad practise. Do it from the inside not from the outside. Also, there are two books I want to recommend, the first one is by Mantak Chia, who is a really interesting guy. He has written a lot on the subject of tantra, Taoism, chi and energy flow. I found his book on the basic technique very helpful. Another book I’ve encountered is by A. Rahasya called The Rocky Horror Tantra Book, which is a great title by the way. Cool is that you get the PDF for free on his homepage and there you can also buy the audiobook. The latter book deals mainly with our western obsession with eroticism that is so prevalent in our culture, so it mainly consists of stories and anecdotes. In the appendix you can find many exercises. If you just care about the technique, I recommend Mantak Chia. It also deals with when to ejaculate (I try to ejaculate once a week) which is very important for health. You don’t want to ejaculate too much for the loss of zinc and other nutrients but also not too little because all your tubes must be flushed regularly! Women who breastfeed have less breast cancer after giving childbirth. I wouldn’t be surprised if men have a similar tendency for ejaculation.
In the end a quick troubleshooting guide:
You’re PC muscle feels weak and the ejaculation just blasts through:
- Be relaxed during the orgasm and tense up just to stop the ejaculation. Don’t tense up before!
- Properly flex the PC muscle before you start the exercise to see if it feels strong. Preparation is key.
- Ask yourself: Do you really want the energy to stay inside or want a quick release? What you believe will become your reality.
- Use aggression and force for the holding back part of the ejaculation. This is your natural masculinity that wants to come out. Its power. Use it.
- Practise more PC flexing throughout the day!
It feels like you can stop the ejaculation but then sperm comes out anyway:
- Before the orgasm comes, never allow the sensation to reach the penis tip, keep it on the height of your pc muscle. Practise feeling the energy. When it’s at the tip, getting it back is extremely difficult.
- Lead it up your spine as described above, don’t just try to keep it there.
Your erection just feels weak:
- Take Zinc, Selenium and Iodine to boost your testosterone levels (see my supplements list)
- Maybe you just had a bad night, too little sleep, a bad diet or over-exercised. Try tomorrow.
Orgasm and ejaculation seem to overlap:
- Don’t get lost in phantasy, stay present. Practise meditation first and tantra later.
- Slow down, resolution is usually a problem if you skipping over the details. Do everything in slow motion for a change, especially the last strokes.
I might edit this list from time to time, I’ve probably forgotten plenty of problems. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Until then.