A man enters the train while another passenger is still trying to get out. With his path blocked, the passenger angrily tells the other man to let people leave first. The man returns this anger and tells him to be at the door when the train stops, not sit until the last minute. Both men were angry, but both men were also right. You should get up from your seat before the train stops. Of course, you also should check if anyone wants to get out before you get in. Still, there was conflict.
A man rides his sports bike towards a wooden bridge, which was still wet from the rain. Right in the middle of the bride kids were playing and laughing. The man does not slow down but plans to pass it, full speed. When he is right next to the kids, one of them jumps, unaware of the cyclist, and with no space to evade, he falls to the ground. Furiously, he gets up and screams at the children. How could they be so stupid? The kids are shocked and confused at the adult, giving them the responsibility. Both are right, though. Kids should be aware of their environment and an adult man should take responsibility for his poor judgment. Still, there was conflict.
If someone is blaming us and we accept it, then this is a complete interaction. We are not attacked by someone but complicit in the overall conflict. Everyone is always right, from the angry jogger who is overlooked by a car or the confused schizophrenic who doesn’t seem to make any sense at all. From our perspective, we are always right, just like anybody else is.
Understanding that, we can stop looking for truth and start to dissolve the conflict that emerges. If we want to argue against someone else’s truth, then conflict will always arise. As Marianne Williamson says:
“We cannot just bring light to the darkness; we must bring our darkness to the light.”
When your truth contains a deeper wisdom, the other person will accept it if you allow them to discover it for themselves.
An old koan states:
“If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it,” the master replied, “to whom does the gift belong?”
When someone tries to push your buttons and you don’t respond with anger, the other person will receive all of its pressure.
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