What are Immaturities?
Immaturities are difficult to explain but easy to recognize. The simplest explanation would be: An Immaturity is any involuntary emotional response which prompts you to take a certain action almost automatically.
Immaturities can come up in any situation and in any type of environment because they are only dependent on the person experiencing the immaturity and not the trigger. You cannot trigger an immaturity in someone that does not exist, nor can you give someone an immaturity that has been removed.
If a person has fixed his immaturity related to aggression then you can not provoke them. If a person has fixed her immaturities related to lust then you cannot seduce them.
Immaturities are the gateway to manipulate others.
Are Immaturities Part of Being Human?
You could say that immaturities are a basic human feature because we are designed to react to our social and natural environment with the appropriate responses. If we hear a sound in the bushes then we get scared and our body switches to “fight or flight” mode. If we see evidence of someone betraying us then we feel angry or sad and will act accordingly. When we can lift a heavy rock that nobody else has been able to lift then we will feel pride and this will lead to certain changes in our behavior.
You can see how immaturities are part of what we identify as being human, or being alive for that matter, but I want to make a case of why immaturities deserve their name and why they will stand in our way towards growth and personal development.
Maturity Must be Taught or Learned Through Experience and Dedication
First, let us go over the conventional definition of immaturity which is anything or anyone who has not yet grown sufficiently, has unused potential or is undeveloped. We often use this term with respect to children because we recognize that they are not ready to make decisions for their own well-being yet. Children are not good at handling resources, are not good at planning for their own future, are easily fooled and do not understand their own motives, as well as the motives of others.
But, while we teach children to be more mature, we do not expect them to reach a level of maturity on their own. We understand that a child who has no adult benefactor will likely never reach our level of maturity. Even if you were to leave a child to fend for itself on the street, it will seek adults in one way or the other to find protection and security.
We recognize that maturity must be taught by someone who is mature. Letting young children form a society will much likely end in disaster due to a lack of knowledge about the world and human nature. Maturity is less about learning how to think but more about how not to repeat mistakes humans have made before. No amount of thinking can tell you that no fruits will grow in winter because you might live in a place where this assumption is not true.
In most cases, we understand that fruits do not grow in the snow because we have never seen it before not because we have predicted it. We observe and then explain, not the other way around. Experience is the only thing that can tell you what might happen in the future and the ones who have spent the most time on earth are usually the most experienced.
Maturity Helps You to Understand Yourself
Maturity is the feature of humans which allows them to avoid unwanted results, therefore maturity is extremely closely linked to knowing what you want. The degree of someone’s maturity depends on how deep they can gaze into their own abyss and see the underlying commands that control them. Maturity means seeing which parts of you are the puppet and which parts of you are yourself.
My question is: Why are adults mature? Most adults certainly face unwanted results and most aren’t clear about what they want so why do we deem them mature? My answer is: Because they are mature enough to function in society. They can clean themselves, can handle money well enough to not starve, can deal with the opposite sex well enough to make babies and they are mature enough to help children to learn all these things as well.
The way we treat maturity is through a “good enough” standard. According to our general definition, you can be mature and also smoke while coughing up your lungs in the morning. You can also be mature and argue with your wife because she has cheated on you again. You can even be mature and hang out with your girlfriends while complaining about men all day long. Does that sound mature to you? It doesn’t to me.
Maturity Means Learning on Your Own
As children, we have been taught how to be, usually by example, and when we are adults, we stop because there are no examples left. We learn new skills but do not fix our own immaturities. There is no one who holds us to a higher standard, therefore we have no goal to aim for.
Imagine our life span extending to 1,000 years. How would we look at our current lives? With a more than tenfold increase, surely, we would see even a 100-year-old man as a child. Even though his body seems old, his mind has only lived 100 years so he has not experienced the world yet. That’s how we would look at him. For our body, it makes sense to die at 80 or 90 years old but for our minds, it’s completely random. Thoughts have no expiration date. Our brain will not be too overloaded to function so why would we think that 100 years are “old age”?
We All Die as Children: looking at the Immortal
Have you ever wondered how a human who is 5,000 years old would behave? Would he argue with people, fall in love, get depressed, be greedy or be proud? Would he see value in worldly things?
I am always fascinated by every depiction of immortals in stories, TV and Movies because I am wondering how the authors envision such a person. The movie “The Man from Earth”, every vampire story and shows such as “Forever”, they all show us how someone who is thousands of years old might be but they all add certain flaws. I have not seen a single depiction of an immortal that feels right. They all are overly occupied with other people, are chasing worldly goals or are easily manipulated.
Imagine having lived twice the length of your current age. Wouldn’t you become much less interested in most things that seem important now? Double your age again. And again. And again. What do you still care for? Other people? Boring. Food? Boring. Emotions? Boring. You outlive trees and even some stones, so why would you be playing any games?
In my opinion, an immortal would be extremely calm. Would not have any concept of good or bad. Would not feel protective, fall in love, feel scared or feel like talking to people is necessary. A mind this old would lose itself sometimes and then reemerge. It would navigate the world based on its highly sharpened intuition.
Just look at vampire movies such as “Twilight” or the show “True Blood”. Why would men who are thousands of years old care about a 20-year-old girl? They have been with thousands of girls already and beauty must be as boring as a butterfly by then. These depictions make no sense at all. The movie “Interview with a Vampire” does a better job because we can clearly see how the human transitions to someone cold and indifferent but they still attach. They still need others. They still cry. These depictions are made to be entertaining so we get what we expect and not what would be realistic.
How an Immortal Would Be
“To You, The Immortal” is a Manga that shows the life of an immortal being who can become and morph into any life form it touches. It starts out by being entirely immature and it goes through loss, betrail, affection, pain, love and everything life has to offer. The protagonist shows the most likely progression for an immortal because he realizes that there is nothing he can attach to, therefore there is no reason to feel anything for his surroundings. Every time he feels pain, he learns a lesson and moves on.
To be mature is to be less human. Humans base their language, actions and goals on emotions but we all know that all of these things are temporary. To fit into society, we must conform to what is good and what is bad, to the current etiquette in that region and to what is expected. The truth is, there is no good or bad, there is no inherent etiquette and what people expect is a statement about themselves and not a role to be filled by you.
The Human Condition
Humans are in a peculiar situation. We understand that our life will end, we know that we need resources to survive and we know that once we are dead, there is nothing we have left. People have two ways of dealing with this: We either just try to live a good life (have a family, have good relationships, be healthy, good career) or we overly obsess on either throwing away anything or building a legacy that will survive in our stead.
But these strategies are flawed because a good life does not exclude you from pain and suffering. You can have a great family, children and a great husband/wife but still argue once a month, work too much or be unhealthy. You can have a legacy but the pride and good feelings associated with that will die with you. No one will care. At the very best, what you might call a legacy now, we take for granted in the future.
I want to propose a third way of dealing with life. Instead of living a good life or trying to build a legacy, we focus on growth. I always say, “we all die as children” because I think that maturity is an endless path….. but wouldn’t it be a shame to die as a child? Distracted by emotions and following them in circles. How about you dedicate yourself to getting rid of everything that makes you engage on autopilot?
You Are Being Pulled by Death
Anything that wants to pull you is not what you desire but what your environment desires. Become like a stone towards everything that manipulates you, look at the one or two things that seem interesting and follow those. This way, you will see life with clear eyes and you will feel no pride, no fear, no falling in love, no needs, no missing out and no insecurity.
And hurry up. Maturity is an endless path so you have no time to lose.
There is a saying that goes like this:
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
I disagree with that because it is a very human and immature thing to say. It tells you that you depend on others and that you cannot be self-sufficient. I do agree that relationships are important and that being with others / caring for others is fun but in the greater context of emotional self-sufficiency and maturity, I would write it like this:
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go in circles, go together.”
So, how do you overcome immaturities? First of all, do not attach them to anything. Immaturities are like little patches of glue that are always looking to stick to whatever tickles them. You can feel them as a cringe in your chest (or solar plexus, to be precise) and they make you move. They make you move your head, your arms, your legs or any other body part. They move you like a string moves a puppet.
When you feel them (which should be multiple times a day) then all you need to do is to focus on calming the emotional response in your chest until the need to move disappears. You will not argue with anyone, not feel the need to do something, not be overly protective, not be scared and not be agreeable or chivalrous. Once you feel no more immaturities, become bolder and seek them out. Do something crazy, something unexpected or something radical.
Become wild, then calm down again. Remove immaturities until you feel like you….. as nature has intended.
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